Jason’s Choosin’ Texas (Friday the 13th 2009)

Friday the 13th is right around the corner, and you know what that means: It’s Jason Voorhees Week! To celebrate, Alli and Kathryn are covering the godawful spectacle that is 2009’s remake of Friday the 13th, starring Jared Paladecki and set in the Hill Country of . . . Texas?

Featuring: Stressed out eyes, movie ticket inflation, grasshopper legs, frat boy names, blinding flashes, excessive lens flares, fields of the devil’s lettuce, the nostalgia of geocaching, so many boobs, death by sleeping bag, back-to-back backstories, Jason’s hatred for stoners, the pervasive male gaze, Jason’s new mommy, Alli and Kathryn’s lack of axe-throwing skills, Trent’s scream, Fargo references, and Alli’s asthma.

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Artwork by Blake Anderson


Theme Music by Taylor Ferguson


THIS WEEK’S SOURCES:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758746/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th_(2009_film)

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Seeing Carrie Red (Carrie 2026)